As Milo was falling into a coma like sleep that only swimming twice in one day can bring on, I was thinking about when I gave birth to my boys. There was this point in the process where both times I felt as though I was being overtaken by the contractions and that something terrible was surely going to happen if I allowed myself to be engulfed by it. Then, both times right at that exact moment, Jon whispered in my ear, “you can do this.” calm, quiet, not demanding, not in any condescending tone. He just reminded me of what I already knew. I was built to do this. I am a woman and this is something I can do. And here they are. I birthed two boys with no drugs. But that’s not the hard part. Raising them for the rest of their lives is the hard part.
Milo just started swim lessons and was terrified the first day. The, a bit on the loud side, tattooed instructor hopped on red bull didn’t really help…But the second time he did better and wasn’t quite so scared. And by the time we were in the pool with Dad and Uncle Daniel he was showing off and sticking his face underwater. Does he know how to swim yet? No. Will he learn? Yes. When you swim you have to keep working, putting forth effort or you sink. Sink or swim people. I felt a little like I was sinking today. I have this belly ache that won’t go away and, but, and so forth…no excuses. The hard part might not be the learning how. It might be the doing.
And then…like that darn little fish knew is was thinking about swimming…When I was in the kitchen just before Milo went to bed I noticed that one of the beta fish we have left over from a drawing project I did with my students last year had kicked the bucket. I told myself that I would handle it later. I just went down to finish up a painting and the dang thing is swimming around again! Was she sleeping on her side? Taking a rest? Back from the dead? I don’t know but I whispered into little Tesla fish’s bowl, “you can do this.”
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