Well, I went to urgent care yesterday thinking that I had a kidney infection. Turns out I am really tired, dehydrated, and my back was hurting from sleeping half my nights in a rocking chair holding a 25 pound person in my arms. On Monday I went to the dentist because I thought I broke my filling, nope. I’ve been grinding my teeth so bad that I was causing myself all sorts of pain. Yup, I got it together.
I tell myself all the time that I have it under control and that I can work and have my kids, my marriage, my family, my friends, my home, my art, and my health. I found out in no uncertain terms yesterday that I am out of balance. Even my dentist told me that I need to, “Chill the *(@)% out.”
Weakness and me don’t go together. I don’t mind being openly flawed, I don’t even mind making mistakes, owning them and fixing them. I just have to fix them myself. When my dear friends and family ask me if they can help, I tend to cry, then say no thank you. If I do accept help, I end up with a horribly anxious feeling that the person helping doesn’t really want to or, I am being selfish, or I will never be able to repay the debt.
My dentist may be right. I’m working on it. I just have so darn much I want to do. I’ve decided that I will tell myself more often, learn to to lean.
So, the kids went to school and day care. I got a sub and took the doctors orders to rest. After spending the first 2 hours of my day thinking that I should really get up and clean the house, I fell asleep and slept for four hours. Guess what happened next? I woke up a much happier, more centered, more motivated person. Much needed rest for this momma.
I’ll exit this post with t a talk by Brené Brown that I first saw on Alyson’s blog post. If you have 20 minutes and you haven’t seen this yet, please watch. Her research on shame and vulnerability is remarkable.